Almost six months since Paul’s death I am sitting at Paul’s Plot – a beautiful patch of mustard. Bright yellow and full of bees stocking up on pollen, I feel blessed. The vivid yellow brightens my mood and delights my senses.
My friend Jabari planted mustard seed at the same time as Paul’s Memorial Service in December 2020. When I arrived in Blacksburg, Virginia for a visit, he told me he calls it Paul’s Plot.
A few days into my visit I know I needed to honor my grief once again and offer a ceremony for Paul’s passing in this mustard patch.
I am letting go of the time-line that includes him.
The growth of the mustard represents a whole new timeline that occurred without his presence in my physical world. Like a grieving period, the mustard growth celebrates this rich, joyful, challenging, and unexpected time of growth.
And, i can honor the ending of the grieving period by cutting the mustard and returning it to the Mother Earth in prayer.
I cut off my hair as a letting go ritual weeks after his death. Now, I picture cutting the mustard plants like my hair… and the hair of the earth and letting the bright yellow blossoms compost back into the earth to replenish a new garden and nourish new growth in the soil and in my new life.
This feels like a fitting tribute to a Master Gardener like Paul. His physical body went to medical science and research. Without ashes or bones, it feels fitting to deliver him back to the Mother this way. If not for him… for me.
Today, I sit more fully in my grief. I am with people and in a place where I feel space and safety to be me. I can emote and open my heart. I am trusting in this emergence process. I am trusting in the process of letting go.
I prepare for tomorrow’s mourning ritual.
It’s interesting to note that Dr. Bach made a mustard flower essence in the English countryside in the 1930s. He sipped the early morning dew of the flower and experienced gloom and depression in his body. This is what taking the flower essence will heal. I am asking the mustard fairies to support me in clearing the sadness of loss and infusing my heart with solar joy and eternal spiritual love. Thank you fairies!