This is the second part of a grief writing in Virginia. See the first part here.
I’m not always good at endings. I’ve had to consciously work on accepting them for many years.
By creating a mustard ceremony to mark the completion of my grieving process, I was able to anchor an ending for this time of my life. It has been a six month grieving process from the loss of my boyfriend, Paul.
It’s not that there will never be more grief or tearful memories of Paul. There will be. But now I have access to more power, energy, desire, and intention to move into a new beginning.
I can let go and move on…
I can let go of any attachment to him, his physical presence, a future time-lines with him, any expectations, and the lingering emotion of grief. I can let go of the physical relationship and honor the spiritual, eternal, ever-presence of our soul-to-soul relationship.
New beginning energy is permeating everything right now — springtime, new solar forces, and energies pulsating through Mother Earth. I can feel my body shedding and renewing with new energies. These energies want my body, life, and everything in nature to grow, evolve, become their becoming. They are light-filled and if you look around, these energies are rocking our old 3D world. Our old patterns want to fall away as well.
Transformation is here, now.
In the morning of the Mustard Ceremony, I went up on the hill into the pine forest. I sat with the Mother Tree of the land overlooking the valley and drummed, sang, made my offerings and said my prayers. I renewed my connection to nature and how pure and clear messages come in the midst of the forest.
I feel such peace and gratitude as I lay crystals on either side of the tree for the Fairy Queen and King and asked them to help me.
I opened to the Spirit Counsel of 13 Grandmothers of Creation. They told me to see the Grandmother Lodge in my heart. It is not separate from me. They, and all of Creation, is present inside me, always. I felt emotional at the releasing of my resistance and then such strength and empowerment flooded in.
I am Creation! I am Part of The Forest! I am Love!
All my loved ones joined me—plants, fairies, elementals, and Grandmothers.
I surrendered to the love and asked to create an ending and time for release. I welcomed new time-lines and unexpected change.
In my time on the hill, I envisioned a life full of what I loved doing. Land Light Alchemy, Fairy Light Alchemy… flowers…
I saw myself more clearly away from the impressions, energies, and expectations of others.
Before I journeyed up the hill, I had a vision of a den of snakes. I had found a small snake a few days prior. It was a black snake with an orange bottom. In my vision, I saw a mass of orange and black squirming snakes. I felt neutral to this sight. It was intriguing to me and a sign of beauty and medicine power.
I am ready to shed my old skins…
On the hill, there was an area set off by fallen trees and branches. This area was inaccessible and dipped into a small hole. I sensed this was where the snake den existed on the etheric realms, and I welcomed their snake medicine. The bark pieces even glowed orange in the sunlight.
Orange is a color that calls me during times of womb healing and expansion of my creativity. The snake represents creativity and the sacred feminine.
I came of the hill with a stronger sense of myself through my experiences and visioning.
That evening, with my soul kin, we cut the mustard. We cut down the blossoming yellow flowers from Paul’s Plot and returned them to the earth. We celebrated joyfully the process of releasing and a new beginning for their land and spiritual community—Namah in Blacksburg, Virginia.
Good Bye, Paul.
If you’d like to read more blogs about my experience with loss and grief, you can find them here: link.